Your problem isn’t the problem, it’s your attitude about the problem. Ann Brashares
Attitude is a compilation of your thoughts and childhood scripts (learned beliefs). Scripts are unconscious adaptations of coping mechanisms that each of us used to stay safe and have some sense of security in life.
I have been doing this work called psychotherapy for many years and I have heard thousands of stories, some downright horrible stories and other stories where I have worked with clients to let let go of their perfect childhood family fantasy. The people that think their childhood was perfect are often the most personally neglectful adults of their self-care. They have adapted to the rose colored glasses of life and do not attend to the pain that none of us escape by growing up. In order to change we must look within and explore our attitudes about ourselves. I also found it to be true of those that think they had a perfect childhood, that often, they have lower self-esteem, self-confidence, and resilience. Often, it is those clients that stand on the sidelines, wishing they could feel, wishing that they had a passion, wishing that their reservoir was full of joy. As a writer, I have wrestled on whether to leave this paragraph or delete it. I have chosen to leave it because I know some of you think that coming to a workshop, signing up for a group or entering psychotherapy is an admission that something is wrong with you. Maybe it is time to read my website and really hear that psychotherapy is only for the brave. Psychotherapy of change is only for those willing to do the hard work and face the pain. You are the courageous ones. You are the ones who refuse to stay on the sidelines of your life.
Learning to move toward your pain and allow yourself to nurture and touch your heart that hurts is the only gift that matters. It is the only gift that heals. No one else can heal you but you. No one else can love you, but you. No one else can genuinely care about you, until you do. You might call this lap of healing the last circuit on the Labyrinth just before you enter the center. You have been walking the circuits and some of the circuits seemed long, some seemed short and some circuits even let you believe you were almost at the center. Then you ended up far to the outside of the labyrinth again. Maybe your arrived at the center and asked, “Who am I to enter?” That is the question that begins your trip into self-doubt. That is the question that makes you take a trip into your past. Dear-Heart you only have this moment. This moment is all that is guaranteed. Are you going to enter? Or are you going to stand outside and look in? You always have a choice. Your attitude about yourself is the key to taking that step into the center, where you can receive. In order to really receive you must learn to love yourself. In order to love yourself you must first accept yourself just as you are. Are you up to the challenge?
What stands in your way is shame. Shame is a serious biological problem. We all suffer from it because it is part of how we are wired. A quick review on shame reminds you that we have an internal compass of shame and humans react in one of four ways when we fell shame We attack-self, we attack others, we withdrawal or we avoid. The truth is each of us have a major way of re-acting and then we kind of ping-pong all over the compass, depending on how big the hurt is. The question, “Who am I to enter?”, comes from the avoid-attack self blend. If I enter, what will I have to face? If I enter, what will I experience? Will I be enough? Our work is to address those questions at the core of our soul and do our deep soul work.
If you want to learn more about soul-work and want to understand how to move toward the Four A’s of Change then participating in psychotherapy to help you learn to move toward your pain and stop avoiding will be a great investment at this time. Again, the Four A’s of Change are Acceptance, Attitude, Action and Adjust. Your Attitude is the foundational key for each one of them. The last Word Press Blog was on Acceptance.
Reflect on this quote and ask yourself if your believe this to be true about you? “Its your place in the world; its your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live.” Mae C. Jemison